My life has always been unstable, and many nights I have spent staring at the ceiling, wondering what it would have been like to be born into a stable family that sort of had their shit together. Would I be a different person completely? Would I have learned how to manage my finances in my late teenage years instead of face-planting straight into credit score chaos in my early twenties? And now at 31, I have finally learned how to function like non-white trash folk, I have myself to thank for being resourceful enough to turn it around. But the lack of stability has made me a very anxious person, and pessimistic if you will. When one good thing happens, I expect fifteen more bad things to curb stomp my teeth in for smiling at my good fortune. Recently I have entered another unstable realm, and my anxiety has been a relentless bully on my psyche.
I question whether or not I am even normal anymore. I wasn’t ever quite normal, but I think I have learned that life is about trusting yourself more than anything. I learned enough from my mother’s mistakes to fill a “Chicken Soup For the [...]