My life has always been unstable, and many nights I have spent staring at the ceiling, wondering what it would have been like to be born into a stable family that sort of had their shit together. Would I be a different person completely? Would I have learned how to manage my finances in my late teenage years instead of face-planting straight into credit score chaos in my early twenties? And now at 31, I have finally learned how to function like non-white trash folk, I have myself to thank for being resourceful enough to turn it around. But the lack of stability has made me a very anxious person,  and pessimistic if you will. When one good thing happens, I expect fifteen more bad things to curb stomp my teeth in for smiling at my good fortune. Recently I have entered another unstable realm, and my anxiety has been a relentless bully on my psyche.

I question whether or not I am even normal anymore. I wasn’t ever quite normal, but I think I have learned that life is about trusting yourself more than anything. I learned enough from my mother’s mistakes to fill a “Chicken Soup For the [...]

I realize that I have abandoned you, my mulleted warriors, since I haven’t updated this blog in a long time. I haven’t abandoned you though. I was working 2 jobs trying to tip toe between the lines of being a Jamaican and “oh-my-god-I-can’t-end-up-like-my-family.” I then accepted a new job, and left both old jobs…giving me time to iron out my flannels and update this blog. I need to visit my family more often because every time I do, it merits a hilarious situation.
One lesson I did learn is, don’t build yourself an above ground pool. Let me tell you that every critter, swamp cooter, and unsavory element in human form will permeate your aqua structure and it will be amusing to everyone but you.
A couple of weekends ago, I showed up to my sister’s house and saw an unfamiliar male face along with several other drunk faces I had seen (regrettably) before. This young guy was drunk, and had some obvious drug issues judging from the “wear”on some of his front nubs formerly known as teeth. He kept talking about how he was still “fucked up from the night before” and was texting someone maniacally. I kept hearing names [...]

It’s that time again, where I offer my poor, limited insight to the masses and educate you on the protocols of trailer life.

One important aspect of living in uncouth surroundings is making sure that your yard looks as much like a dumpster as possible. My family has literally become the authority on this topic, and so I am going to share my own expertise in this field with you.

Step 1- Always clean your car out and just leave whatever you find on the ground. You won’t actually need a plastic bag or any recepticles. You can just leave the pile of McDonald’s cups and your skoal tins in the yard.  And feel free to open new items in the yard, and drop the packaging wherever you like. Eventually, said items may make their way to step 2′s location.

Step 2- Don’t actually take your trash to the dump! You can do the environment-raping thing, and just burn everything in a pile. So once you empty out your car of said trash items, leave them there in hopes someone else will just throw your discards to the burn pile.  [...]