One of my favorite things to do is to visit thrift stores and collect weird little items and people watch. We call it “thriftin.” Only two groups of people do this activity: Poor people and hipsters pretending to be poor. But thrifting has so many advantages and can even help your self esteem. You do not even know how many fuck ups walk this earth until you hang in some second-hand shops in shitty country towns and observe actual fights over nice trousers or a lamp with frogs on it. You’ll also behold the whopper hoggus hoarder who breathes heavily from their mouth as they dribble all over their cart while complaining that they don’t have their scooter. Keep an eye out for this species…it’s going extinct.
I was a thrifter since the day I came out of my Mom’s junk, and it doesn’t matter how much money I make (or mostly don’t make)…you can’t stop the thrift! Let me explain to you why I will never stop thrifting, even if some schmuck ever gives me a book deal or Revlon calls after my braces come off and presents me with a lipstick modeling deal…that won’t even stop the thrift.