Hillbilly Vocabulary: What The Hell Are You Talking About?
Holy trucker mullet, it’s been a hot minute since I updated my blog, and I’m sorrier then Milli when Vanilli committed suicide. But when I was visiting my family over the holidays, I realized it was important for me to post about hillbillies and their “language.”
I’m a translator amongst my people. I translate all the time what things mean and what hillbillies are trying to convey to the normal, educated person. We’re going to take a stroll through a quick vocab course…these are terms I grew up with and never thought about until I moved.
Why do hillbillies say the word “mashed?” Let me give you an example. In the parts of the country where we have electricity, we say things like “I pressed on this icon, but it’s not working.” No, my mother says “mashed.” Example: “I mashed the remote but I just can’t get it to work!” You don’t mash a button, you mash a fucking potato and drown that shit in gravy. You do the monster mash. You don’t mash buttons or any other form of technology! Quit saying mashed!
“Rurned” is the past tense form of “ruined.” Pronounce it like burn, with an r. You can obviously imagine my annoyance when my father would tell me about something out in the yard that “got rurned.” Use in a sentence…”I’m so glad I left Union County before my vocabulary got rurned.”
Apparently, this is known to normal folks as “battery.” So when you “mash” on your remote for too long, you might need some new “battrees.”
This is how my diddy said aluminum. His career as a chemist was short-lived, but eventually found it’s footing in the “A-loom-e-yum” beer can recycling business a few years later.
“Airee” is simply the word for “area.” I would over hear my father telling people “He had some kin folk up in the “Lek-E-Ston (Lexington) Airee.” There’s never a day I’m not happy as hell I moved out of the “airee” I grew up in.
This term merely means “my ass is dizzy” but for some reason, my mother has always said “she was swimmy-headed.” This sparked a few enlightening conversations at her job from the Yankees who had never heard this term, but this is a very common hillbilly term. Often, when one mashes enough beer cans on their forehead, they can become “swimmy-headed.”
It’s not the leaf raking that you’re thinking of. No, this is what my dad would say when you weren’t home. “Raking” simply means driving around aimlessly, accomplishing nothing. “Shens has been rakin’ around the whole county all day, burning out my GD gas money!” When my dad bitched and said this, I knew my mom was out buying us groceries or paying a bill… you know, wasting his money.
My grandiddy says this word all the time. And you know what? It has no definition. He’d say “I bet you a purdy it’ll storm tonight!” and I’d go “What’s a purdy?” and he’d say “Oh you know, just somethin’ nice!” Years later when he’d get dementia, he’d find trash in the yard and shove it in his pocket. My brother asked him what he aimed to do with said piece of trash, and he’d say with the creepiest insane smile ever…”I”m gonna make me some purdies.” We still do not know what “purdies” are.
I am available for consultation and interpretation gigs, should you have some pesky hillbillies you don’t understand. Remember, keep your mullet crimped, and your midgets tossed. Aight Nah Gal.