And Then, She Resurfaced Like Herpes (But Less Itchy)

Some of you may have wondered what ever happened to Sheena in 2014, especially when she said she would be updating her blog more regularly and then virtually yelled “PSYCH!” all 1992-style. Well, shit happened. Life, bills, all kinds of crap related to being a grown ass adult that consistently fights back the white trash genetics happened. I did some pretty cool stuff to remove myself further away from the trailer bubble all this year and I’ll share with you what the hell happened while I was not updating my blog and you braided your pubes in anticipation:

 

January 2014 – Went to Rome, Italy and London, England
Yes, I left the United States and gathered myself some culture. I got to see Big Ben, Windsor Castle, and the Roman Colosseum. No one in my family or extended family has ever left the United States, and has barely left North Carolina, especially after dark. Hell, that’s when the devil shows up for buttsecks.
Anyways, during this trip, my brain exploded from the wonders of the world and how amazing it truly is. I toured the Vatican, rode on a double decker bus, and it was all I dreamed it would be. +10 points for escaping the trailer park. -5 points for stumbling in the Sistine chapel and almost falling onto an entire terrified Asian family. Sorry ya’ll. But then I saw this mullet in Rome:
romemullet
We call this Gladiator Mullet

Late January 2014 – My grandfather passed
It was a bummer. His standard of living wasn’t great in a nursing home with dementia, but it’s never easy to lose someone. In the south, when someone dies, you get a ton of free amazing food. So in grieving you can satiate your depression with homemade apple pie and banana pudding. I don’t know why obesity is an issue in the South. (Sarcasm)

February 2014 – Started the worst job ever
The less said about this, the better. All you need to know is I used the bus to get there, was harassed daily by every meth head in the south. I ate my emotions, debated walking into oncoming traffic and experienced some pretty bad meltdowns. Luckily a company rescued me and now that’s why I am in the mood to write again. I’m back to being same ole’ G.
May 2014 – September 2014 – Purchased a home
Not a trailer. Hell, not even a double-wide trailer. An actual place constructed of bricks n’ shit. There’s not even a hubcap in the yard. Do you know what I did this week? I bought solar powered lights for the sidewalk. That is fancy shit. The stove has no burners because its flat, none of the windows are cracked, and best of all, there are no abandoned vehicles out front. I learned about taxes and escrows, and learned how to file the paperwork away instead of letting cats piss on them. I mow the grass and remember the yard I grew up in…the beer bottles, paint cans, and dog skeletons scattered everywhere and how embarrassed I was to get off the bus and have people see where I lived. Never in my life thought I’d escape that shit pile lifestyle and be proud of what I had, but I dreamed someday of it happening. Like Justin Bieber said, never say never.

Anyways, I appreciate your patience and minimum shit talking while I packed this crazy year behind me. Now that life has settled, I want to work on getting published and getting my stories heard plus updating this no money makin’ ass blog. I know these tales are so wack, you probably think I’m making them up, but if one little girl can give herself a mullet and still leave the trailer park to see Rome, there’s hope for all of you bastards.
Aight Nah, Gal
-S

Comments
  • Harris says:

    You lost me at “minimum shit-talking.” I have a legal pad sitting next to me with a dichotomous tree of the shit I was planning on talking that I was marking off as I read. Fine. I’ll just leave it at this: I think if you had said “Rome and London” without listing the countries, no one would have confused them with Rome, GA or London, OH. Anyway. Good to have you back.

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